Navel Gazing – “self-indulgent or excessive contemplation of oneself or a single issue, at the expense of a wider view.”  Dictionary.com

Picture someone so tuned into themselves that they are curved over looking at their navel.  In this posture, they’re unaware of everything else.   Consider these words from one of my favorite speakers named Graham Cooke:

‘ “Why me?” “Why this?” “Why now?” “Why?!” Often this type of question can come out of shock, anger, self pity and bewilderment. We seek meaning, purpose and significance. This particular question “why?” can deliver none of the answers that would be most helpful. It’s the question that will leave us trapped in our own grief and misery. It prevents us from moving on. It creates an inertia in our soul and we remain stuck in a moment in time, unable to extricate our emotions. I have seen those moments of grief become despair, self pity, anger, resentment and bitterness. The heart is overwhelmed and we disappear into ourselves and lose the life we could have enjoyed.’

Excerpt from “Radical Perceptions” by Graham Cooke

We all have a tendency to indulge in the “why me” navel gazing posture especially when life deals us a particularly nasty blow.  To help illustrate this, I wanted to share a difficult season I faced in my 20’s and 30’s.

My husband and I were ready to start a family.  But after 11 years, including 4 years of fertility treatments and surgery, we couldn’t get pregnant for some reason.  I would attend baby showers, visit friends in the hospital after having delivered their precious babies, and listen to the concerns of a few ladies who had “surprise” or “unwanted” pregnancies.  I’d pray for young women after church while I was on the prayer team who were devastated when they hadn’t gotten pregnant after 2 months of trying.  Then a couple months later I’d see their “baby on the way” news.  I felt like I was shriveling up inside, asking the question “why me?” 

I had a fabulous job, loving husband and supportive parents.  We were also active in our church leading worship on Sunday mornings, getting with people during the week to counsel or just hang out.  Life was good but there was this one missing piece which I couldn’t reconcile.  My desire to be a mother was very strong, but month-after-month, year-after-year, my arms were still empty.  I began to struggle with feelings of shame and compared myself to others who got pregnant easily.  I wondered what was wrong with me and felt trapped in a body that wouldn’t do what it was supposed to do naturally or even with medical assistance.  I felt stuck – a pariah.    

Finally, in about year 10 of our fertility journey we were finally able to get pregnant!  We were so excited and our friends and family were so ready to throw us a party.  Then in the cruelest of ironies, I miscarried on Mother’s Day.  Accompanying the physical pain of the miscarriage was an emotional emptiness I have difficulty explaining even now.  I remember saying to my mom “I don’t think I can do this!  I don’t have the strength!”  I spent the next couple days trying to recover  physically and emotionally.  I sat on our porch outside and wrestled with all my feelings and doubts.  For the first few days, I could hardly muster the strength to pray as I was so angry with God and felt so victimized by circumstance. On about day 3 following my miscarriage, I finally prayed:  “God, if I didn’t know You better, I would think You’re cruel.  I don’t understand this but I know that your Bible says you are a good God, faithful, loving and that you care about me.  Help me please to know that not only in my head but in my heart.” A day or two later I returned to work and poured myself into my job attempting to block out the disappointment, pain and hurt..  

About a week later, God answered the desperate prayer I prayed on my porch.  I left the office alone and was walking to my favorite lunch cart on Main St. in Richmond, VA on a beautiful, sunny day.  I didn’t hear Him audibly but a thought popped into my head and heart: 

“Don’t waste the blessings of today longing for what you want tomorrow.”  

It wasn’t exactly a rebuke, but it totally cleaned my clock!  I had allowed my desire for a baby to consume me to an unhealthy point.  I had put my faith and hope into getting pregnant instead of putting my faith and hope in God and His plans and timing for me TODAY!   

Unpacking that simple truth was life changing for me.  I realized those words applied to so many aspects of my life as I peeled away the layers of my attitude and perspective.  From that point on, I decided to cherish this kid-free time with my husband.  We traveled, enjoyed dinner out several nights a week, we poured into people in our church, lead worship, attended Bible studies and so much more.  We persisted in our fertility treatments, but this time I had a renewed hope and a more positive outlook.  My eyes were on Jesus and His goodness instead of the perceived misery of my situation.  Was this journey still challenging – you bet it was, but with each of the 5 shots I gave myself a day, multiple blood draws at the doctor’s office week-after-week, egg extraction surgery and blastocyst transfer, I was more peaceful, poised and confident.  My pity party was over and I had begun to learn how to have a healthy posture and focus on God rather than myself and my circumstances.  9 months later, we delivered the cutest little baby girl ever and named her Olivia which means “one who has a peaceful spirit.” God is good all the time! 

Irving Berlin said:

“Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it.” 

Irving Berlin’s family fled persecution in Russia and settled in New York City in 1893.  His first few years in NY were difficult and each member of his family worked selling newspapers on the street.  To add to their troubles, his father died in 1896.  Irving (his real name was Israel)  left home at 14 and began singing on the streets and in the bars of NY.  He only had 2 years of formal education and did not learn to read or write music.  Israel got a job as a singing waiter at a restaurant and would make up lyrics to popular songs.  Eventually, he wrote his first tune and took the name I. Berlin, singer songwriter.  He had his big break when the song was published in 1907.  

Irving Berlin would go on to write  “White Christmas,” “God Bless America,” “Puttin’ on the Ritz,” and “There’s No Business Like Show Business.” He wrote more than 1000 songs that appeared in movies, TV shows, and Broadway musicals. In his biography on Berlin, Alexander Woolcot stated: “Irving Berlin has no place in American Music. He is American Music.”  Israel certainly used his 90% positive attitude and 10% fortitude to become a household name and make something of his life despite the odds stacked against him.   (* mentalfloss.com)

Ok, so bully for Irving Berlin! What does this mean for me you might ask?  In your current or next struggle, stop and take your eyes off your problem and yourself and focus instead on God and His purposes.  Ask Him what He wishes to show you about Himself through this circumstance.  Remember the words God spoke to my heart? “Don’t waste the blessings of today longing for what you think you want tomorrow.” My desire to be a mother was totally a good thing, but my obsessing over it had put me in a selfish, self-referential state of mind.  I was caught in the mire of my own disappointment unable to truly enjoy the blessings I did have.  Only after I stopped navel gazing did my perspective change.  

Changing my focus and perspective made a huge difference in my attitude, and outlook.  I’m not talking about positive thinking but rather a Christ-centered perspective, a healthy balance of faith, hope and trust in a heavenly Father who sees the end from the beginning (Isaiah 46:10).  He doesn’t promise us a problem free life but he does promise never to leave us alone in the struggle.  How you face these struggles is up to you.  

So often in life, we’re focused on me, myself and I.  We want what we want and we want it now.  When bad things happen to us or to someone we love, we get angry at God and ask the “why” questions which rarely make us feel better.  We live in a social-media-driven culture where it’s all too easy to slide into a selfish, self-referential state of mind.  Rolling through Facebook news feeds, browsing photos on Instagram or binge-watching Netflix can be “time suckers” that rob us of other more meaningful activities as well as feed our narcissism as we check how many likes we have gotten from that attractive photo or political rant we posted.   I’m not preaching total social media celibacy, I’m just suggesting that there are far more wholesome activities available out there.  Just keep in mind the old saying “everything in moderation.”  Feed your spirit and mind with things that inspire, and challenge you.  Watch inspiring movies, read books, spend time with your Creator through devotional time on a regular basis.  These are just a few activities that can broaden your perspective and worldview, limiting self-centered thinking and prejudice.  

Getting your eyes off yourself and your problems and focusing on God and His truths instead is the first step towards real, spiritual and emotional maturity.  And my goodness it is so freeing!  The next time you’re confronted by a difficulty or disappointment in life, take a moment to submit it to God. 

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:5